Lessons from Couch to Connection: Building a Thriving Membership Community -- Ember Consulting

Last week, we hosted Couch to Connection inside the Ember Community—and WOW, it was good.

If you missed it, I hope it stings a little.

I say that with love and a gentle nudge: pay attention to what’s coming out of Ember. We’ve got a lineup of deeply intentional experiences over the next few months, and trust me—you don’t want to miss them.

Here’s what I learned, where I’m growing, and what’s next ↓

Posturing: The Art of Preparing Members for Connection

This shift in my approach came on the heels of an incredible experience at the Abundant Living Retreat (more on that in the May newsletter—yipee!).

On our first Couch to Connection call, I spent 25 minutes walking through what I now call "posturing your members."

You might recognize this concept as “onboarding,” “welcoming,” or even “social grooming.” But I’m calling it posturing—because it’s about preparing members mentally and emotionally for the experience ahead.

Here’s what became crystal clear during these sessions:

We must move our bodies and breathe intentionally to activate our minds at full capacity.
What I say matters far less than how members receive it. I asked participants to pretend (just for an hour) that every aspect of our session was intentional and designed for growth.
The best learning happens when members are journeying with someone one chapter ahead and one chapter behind them.

Owning My Identity as a Connector

I shared my shift from educator to connector on LinkedIn, and it resonated.

I used Couch to Connection to fully embrace this identity. People came for the education—they wanted to know how to move from isolation into connection. But I challenged myself to make the connections between members the real educational tool.

One of the biggest ways I did this? Breakout rooms.

We moved fluidly between teaching → reflection → breakout sharing. This wasn’t random—it was intentional:

No time to overthink. Here’s the info. Here’s your decision. You’ve got 30 seconds. Go.
Tease the connection. Not enough time to share life stories—just what they wrote.
Deeper integration. Saying something out loud lands differently. Hearing others' reflections lands differently.
Breakout rooms keep people awake. (Yes, really.)

Trusting My Process—So My Members Could, Too

Leaning on breakout rooms felt risky.

Normally, I like to check the room’s energy. I like to hear takeaways after small-group discussions. But I realized something:

I was using real-time validation as an excuse not to trust my own process.

So, for Couch to Connection, I made a bold choice: No checking in. No mid-session feedback. No adjustments on the fly. I led with full confidence in the experience I designed.

This created a LOT of tension for me.

And for my members! Not everyone liked it.

One member shared afterward:

“I'd rather hear from you and do fewer breakouts ... just my two cents!”

Was it a bad call? I don’t think so.

This wasn’t about never taking feedback. It was about creating an environment where members had to sit with the experience—without immediate adjustments, without me softening the discomfort.

And for me? It was an opportunity to lead with trust for a full hour—without worrying about how people were responding in the moment.

3 Ways to enhance your membership community: (Right Now)

Whether you're building a new community or energizing an existing one, here are three ways to foster meaningful connection:

1️⃣ Test a new community—without adding any new tech

If you’re experimenting with a community, start by deciding what type of community is right for you—then run a test without introducing new technology.

That boundary alone will drive more action than you’d expect.

2️⃣ Use rules to create tension and a remarkable container

There are a million reasons why someone might leave your community:

The tech is glitchy.
They don’t like you.
It made them uncomfortable.
It was confusing.

But there’s one guaranteed reason people will leave: if it’s not creating value.

Real growth requires tension. The best membership communities don’t just keep members comfortable—they challenge them.

3️⃣ Use a “tiny test” to attract members to your bigger experience

Much like how I structured Couch to Connection (see? Practicing what I preach!), create a micro-experience—something small, engaging, and free for existing members (with a small fee for non-members).

If you’re launching a new membership community, this tiny test might evolve into the full experience. If you already have a community, use it as a built-in feature that also gives your members an easy reason to invite others in.